Losing my virginity

It took a laptop to stop working and a mobile to be stolen within a span of 12 hours for my eyes and brain to register the significance of money. When after spending 1k on laptop repair and over 1k on "partying" I lost my phone, I realized I didn't have enough balance in my account to buy even the cheapest phone and there were still over 10 days for my first salary to come, which, by the way, would be a meagre sum, I woke up to the reality of cash flows and balance sheets, losing my financial virginity, at last. I never imagined I'd ever be in such a situation where I would have to think of ways to get a phone without having to pay for it and do anything to avoid eating out, spending on auto. Waiting for the bus in the scorching heat became an inevitable reality. It has hardened and weakened me at the same time. Sometimes tears would suddenly blur my vision while waiting for a bus, craning my neck every single time a bus passed in the hope to see the number of the bus I had to take. Sometimes a clould would just form over my mind and bring haunting memories of every single misfortune. I'd be scared to the core of my being, freeze, wondering if every action was futile and if I was just a toy in the hands of destiny. If everything is written then I have probably been written off, an object of ridicule playing in the hands of destiny, a figment of someone else's imagination, a mere character in another's fantasy. I feel powerless.

ps Many incidents have been exaggerated to give a certain poignant effect to the post. With a drop of water and a speck of dust, I created a mire for myself to wallow. A part of me enjoys it as much as a buffalo enjoys wallowing in muddy water on a warm sunny day :).

pps: Hence I coin the term: Victim's pride (surprised, something like this hasn't been recognized yet)